Parting Words (Finally)

So the end to this blog has finally come. What started as a Microsoft Word document in Spring 2006 Constitutional Law class has run its course over 3.5 years. I've written over three hundred posts on politics, women, ice cream, and strippers, and I can say I enjoyed every minute of it.

I'm not positive, but I think blogs came into fruition in the early 2000's. When I first learned what they were, I thought they were dumb, but obviously I changed my view (or maybe I didn't). Blogs certainly vary in quality and content. Some are truly excellent repositories of knowledge and analysis.

Mine was not. My decision to begin this blog seems astonishing to me now, especially given what I have at times revealed here. It is especially surprising given how private a person I think I am. But, I think the truth is at times we all just need to get it out, and this was my outlet to do so, though I also did speak directly to several individuals about important issues in my life during the lifespan of this document.

When I started to write, I was more outward oriented, thinking about topics that might seem interesting to other people. As time went on, I certainly became more inward-focused, and this blog became personal in nature.

I can say I highly recommend writing to everyone, whether it's a blog, diary, journal, or any other term you want to call it. It's like having a conversation with yourself, and that can actually be pretty useful in clarifying your thoughts and opinions. There's no doubt in my mind that it's therapeutic.

Why am I ending the blog now? When I began publishing it, I had a writing agenda, and it's now complete. Sure, I have topics at this very moment that I could blog about. I could write about my last couple relationships with women, except that they asked me not to and therefore I won't As an aside, I hope a few of the posts where I delved into detail about past relationships were not actually read by the individuals described (they were not meant to be), but if so I regret that.

Moving on, I could probably do a daily blog about my job, but given that I am now in a sensitive position representing the People in criminal cases, I think it would be unwise both for my office and me personally. I could even write about The Wire, which I recently finished viewing (I highly recommend it to anyone). All those and more.

But the timing is good when I also think about my job in terms of what I do. I have spent 3.5 years writing. In my current position, it is all about oral advocacy and abilities, and mine need honing. I'm not the best writer on the planet, but I think I'm adequate. It would be better to spend time working on my oral skills (hehe) rather than continue to write.

As an aside, I do want to give a special shout-out to my best friend AB. We've become closer since graduating from high school, and I will say this blog probably helped in that regard. She was both my most loyal reader and commenter when needed. Speaking of comments, I have to admit I kind of perversely enjoyed receiving nasty anonymous ones, because after all they were paying attention to me, and it is all about me isn't it? But seriously, the only comment that ever gave me pause was the one detailing where I was was on a date at, posted soon after I came back. You got me there kid.

When I began this blog, I was a second year law student living in Ohio. I served as a Military Police Officer in the National Guard. Today, I'm a lawyer living and working in Chicago, and now serve as a Judge Advocate in the reserve component. I was single then and I'm single now. I'm a lot wiser now than I was then, in all facets of my life. And I have more gray hair.

That about sums it up. Thanks for reading.

Lessons Learned, Part III

This post has been more than two years in the making, and truth be told I have forgotten probably many more lessons than I have included on this list. Moreover, the lessons would be different depending upon whether I had written this missive two years ago or a year ago compared to today. Regardless, let's get into it:

1. Men and Women Can't be Friends-This statement is both true and false. I think it is possible for people of the opposite sex to be just friends, but it is very easy for such friendships to break, or turn into something more. In my own life, I have really felt a non-romantic connection with several women, but the friendships ultimately faded away because one or both of us developed romantic feelings that were not returned. In such cases, it's difficult to maintain the friendship.

There are exceptions to this rule of course. A big one is when one grows up with someone of the opposite sex or develops brotherly/sisterly attitudes towards them.

Still, if the foundation of real romance and love is friendship, it's understandable why opposite sex friendships would either keep a certain distance or move toward either romance or dissolution.

2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words-Words matter, and promises mean something. But if you want to know someone, see what they do, not what they say. Then you will know who they really are.

3. We Have Less Control Over Our Lives Than We Think-We like to think we control our own destinies. But, outside forces have a lot more control than we might like--our genes, our parents, our socio-economic background--they all exert influence over us, constraining our choices in life.

4. What We Do Still Matters-Even with the constraints I mentioned above, what we do with the time we have still counts, and it can make a difference.

5. Life Isn't a Straight Path-A lot of people have checklists and timelines on how their lives should work. Real life doesn't work that way for most. Some dreams come true, others die, and the world keeps moving, with or without us.

6. Ron Zook Can't Coach-I don't really think there is a dispute over this.

7. We Live in a Society With Many Deep and Systemic Flaws-I wish it wasn't the case, but it is. Tomorrow I'll go to work in a criminal justice system that per capita imprisons more people than any other nation in the world. And that's just the beginning....

8. People Behave Completely Irrationally-Don't believe me? Come down to misdemeanor court. See how it fits into your rational economic actor model.

9. Theory and Reality Often Clash-No one loves book learning and classrooms more than I (okay, maybe a few do), but the fact is that I haven't seen much connection from the classroom learning I've done and the reality of the job, whether it was being an army officer or a lawyer. Maybe it is there though, subconsciously. Or maybe the only real training that matters is on the job.

10. Everything is a Business-Crime, war, education--in the end they're all just big job creation programs.

11. Knowing When to Stay Silent is a Vital Skill-A judge in traffic court had a favorite saying that he'd tell defendants right before they were about to say something detrimental to their case, "No fish was ever caught without opening its mouth." Wiser words were never spoken. Know when to speak, but more importantly know when to STFU. Doing or saying nothing is a potent weapon my friends.

12. Timing is Everything-It really is. Really.

13. The Rabbit Hole Goes Deeper Than We'd Care to Admit-There is a lot of good in this world, and a lot of good people as well. But the stuff that goes on, from biological fathers raping their own children to nations wiping out whole populations...runs right through our DNA. Humanity is fucked my friend.

14. HBO Has Some Good Shows-If you like good television, look no further than HBO. Whether it's The Sopranos, The Wire, Rome, or another show that floats your boat, it consistently puts out quality product. And yes, I agree with the critics that The Wire is the best show ever made.

15. Organizations, Rules, and Regulations Matter, but Ultimately It's About People-I always find it funny when politicians propose bureaucratic box shifting to solve a problem, when the truth is the right leadership is the only fix needed. Even in a legalistic and hierarchical society like ours, laws and chains of command matter, but ultimately any system is only as good as the people operating it.

16. There Are Two Sides to Every Story-I learned this lesson quickly after seeing opposing counsel tear apart my witnesses on cross examination.

17. Individuals Are Constrained by the Institutions They Serve-Coincidentally, this was also a theme of The Wire, but it's true. We can exert our will to some extent, but only within the parameters allowed by the system we operate in.

18. It's Better to Be Lucky Than Good-America is a nation where talent and hard work can be rewarded. But in the end, luck may matter more than any other factor.

19. The Truth is Elusive-There are times when we know the truth. More often, we don't know and we never will, even after our institutions have attempted to expose it. Many times I am as unsure as to the truth of what happened during an alleged crime after the trial, as before it. Sometimes the truth will just never see the light of the day.

20. Giving is Better than Receiving-Receiving gifts, compliments, and good works is nice, no doubt. But I believe there is no better feeling or innate satisfaction than doing something for someone else. It's our noble selves at our best.

21. Our Differences Matter-So you think our race, gender, religion, ethnicity, etc. doesn't matter? Umm...ok.

22. Writing Can Be Theraupetic-I recommend it to anyone. You don't even have to write to a specific individual. Just Don't use a crayon.

23. Principles Can Be Easily Compromised-Especially when necessity gets in the way.

24. Government Wastes a Massive Amount of Money-That's not even counting purposeful fraud, waste, and abuse.

25. Everyone is Susceptible to Sin-Whether it's greed, lust, gluttony, ambition, pride, or whatever human foible you can name, we are all vulnerable to falling prey to something.

26. A Robust Sense of Humor is Key to a Healthy Life-No doubt, though I probably find things to be funny that I shouldn't.

27. LeBron James Should Sign with the Bulls Because He Can't Win with Cleveland-Can you imagine Derrick Rose and LeBron James in the same starting lineup? I can, and heretical though it may be to say, they could rival Jordan/Pippen for stats and championships. Make it happen Chicago.

28. Time Can Drastically Change Perspective-Things that seemed important at the time don't seem so now, and vice versa.

29. Coincidences Are Just That-It's tempting to read too much into coincidences and fortuitous circumstances, but really that's all they are.

30. The Human Heart Can Be Mysterious-I still haven't figured mine out.

There are many more lessons I've forgotten or chosen not to include, but this is my last list on the blog and I'm happy with it.

Law and Order

I imagine I will have a lot more to say about the legal system, crime, and society in the upcoming months and years, but my time writing this blog is short (two more posts on my list). I'd like to leave with a few thoughts.

Let me say crime and criminal law is fascinating, and I do not see myself practicing any other kind of law. The legal and factual questions and most importantly the actors in the Game are interesting to say the least. If I want to experience high comedy, I simply read misdemeanor arrest reports, which is a part of my job anyway.

It is a privilege to serve as a prosecutor. And I think I'm the right person for the job. Why? Because I'm skeptical of government, realistic about my role in the justice system, and am out to try to do the right thing regarding individual cases. The decisions I make affect people's lives, and that is a heavy burden, though I realize some don't feel it.

When I was in college doing an internship with my county's Public Defender (and working with AB), I never thought I'd be a prosecutor. I was on the side of individual liberty and the poor and oppressed, not the big bad state and their guns and drug wars.

When I left that internship, I was not disillusioned with the justice system. True, I didn't see the sense in the heavy prison sentences non-violent drug criminals got, but the people made their decision through the legislature. More importantly, defendants were admonished of their rights (one judge I practice before does not do the legally required admonishments before taking a plea, meaning virtually any guilty plea can be withdrawn at a later date), juries found the guilty guilty and the innocent not guilty, and everyone got along with no hard feelings. I was happy to be an observer of that system. Most importantly, I left the job with the view that defendants were people, and not just alleged criminals.

For whatever reason, in law school I sought out a job as a prosecution law clerk for the City of Columbus. I can't believe I can no longer remember my exact reasoning, but I think it had to do with the fact that I wanted to experience the other side, and the City was doing on campus interviewing.

So I got the job, and fell in love with prosecution work, and am now on my third prosecution job. What is it about being a prosecutor that is so great? The discretion, the time spent in court, the trials, the issues, everything.

While I have the utmost respect for good criminal defense lawyers who ethically advocate for their clients, ultimately my job is better than theirs. Why? Because a defense attorney has to zealously represent their client. A prosecutor's goal on the other hand, is not to win convictions but to do justice. That means I get to ponder not only the victim's interests or the public's interests, but also the defendants' as well. It means I get to dismiss charges when I think they are not supported by the evidence, or because the police did not act properly in the matter.

It may be true that the defense bar contributes more to protecting individual liberty, since they litigate to exclude improperly obtained evidence, win acquittals for innocent defendants, and bring appeals that ultimately change the law and enhance defendants' rights. But a good prosecutor is also dismissing charges, turning over exculpatory evidence, and thinking about what a just resolution would be in a particular case. And ultimately, a prosecutor is responsible for defending the people, and that includes a defendants' constitutional rights.

Being a prosecutor is not without its pitfalls. Certain offices can be political, there is public pressure to hang criminals when pretrial publicity puts a case in the public sphere or the issues are sensitive, and the drug war continues unabated, though I think one day our society will come to its senses and treat addiction as a public health issue, and the police will get back to policing.

The greatest stumbling block of all though, is the human desire to win and to exert domination and power where one can. It is here that some prosecutors have veered off the straight path. As representatives of the State, we must always remember we have no personal stake in the matter, and that our career ambitions can never play a part in our decisions.

I've also thought about law and order versus liberty. Growing up, I always thought liberty was more important. And I still believe that. Because without true individual liberty, there actually can be no security, since we'd all be subject to the whims of the police state. On the other hand, I am starting to understand how precarious order and civilization can be, and how we're a thin line away from anarchy and the jungle.

Regardless of my theoretical musings, here is my list of what a good prosecutor should or should not do:

1. Remember he represents the state and public, not himself. It's not about winning.

2. Always turn over exculpatory evidence, not only is it legal and ethically required, it's the right thing to do.

3. Be skeptical of governmental power and realize cops, prosecutors, and judges make mistakes.

4. Be sympathetic to complaining witnesses and victims and take their interests into account, but remember that the goal is justice, not revenge.

5. Be civil to everyone in the courtroom and remember that each individual is a human being, especially defendants.

6. Remember the aims of the criminal law, and understand his actions in a larger context.

7. Dismiss charges if they are not supported by probable cause or if the State clearly cannot prove the elements of the offense. Don't let cops demand a case continue if there isn't justification.

8. Resolve doubts in favor of the defendant.

9. Seek alternative remedies and sentences where appropriate. Think creatively.

10. Sleep with complaining witnesses if they are really attractive.

11. Don't sleep with public defenders, not only is it bad for one's health but it's a grave conflict of interest.

12. Follow and apply the law as written by the legislature, don't substitute one's opinion for binding statute, leave that to activist judges.

13. Make prosecutorial decisions based upon evidence, the law, and important societal interests, nothing else.

14. Know the law and rules of evidence, and be expert trial lawyers.

15. Follow the law in one's personal life, and strive to maintain the highest standards of morality and integrity.

I'll do my best.

The Life of SK

So we've established I'm going to die one day. But hopefully, not just yet. I have some things I want to do and accomplish. Even though I know I'll never do all of the following, here's my list, in no particular order:

1. learn Spanish
2. learn a South Asian language
3. try a case in front of a jury
4. win a case in front of a jury
5. become a father
6. become a husband
7. make love to a beautiful woman
8. get a master's degree in criminal justice
9. get a master's degree in security policy or international relations
10. finish the Basic Program of Liberal Education at the University of Chicago
11. finish the Asian Classics Program at the University of Chicago
12. travel to each continent (excluding Antarctica)
13. teach a class
14. do something novel or new
15. make someone's day
16. go to a waterpark
17. skydive
18. hike up a mountain
19. publish an article
20. have my name on a placard
21. Try a murder case
22. do a life-changing favor for somebody
23. mentor someone
24. learn how to cook
25. master trial advocacy and the rules of evidence
26. own a home
27. hook up with a Victoria's Secret model :)
28. buy my parents' something nice

It seemed like I had a lot more things in my head but I'm getting older and can't remember everything. Regardless, the list I have constitutes plenty on my plate.

The Death of SK

When I was young, I never thought of death. Indeed, it's not something I dwell on now, but at 29 I now finally realize that life has a finite limit, and one day my existence will be extinguished.

We live in a society that seems to be afraid of aging and death. Our lust for material goods and youth is in part a death avoidance tactic, as we pretend the end will never come.

Because we are all bound to die does that mean we should constantly think about it? No, we shouldn't. But, the two most important events in everyone's life is their birth and death. The third most important is how one lived, but without the other two events it wouldn't even matter. However, there is no reason for people to treat death as something that shouldn't be discussed like getting a job, getting married, or having kids.

I think I know what I want out of my own life. As long as I concentrate on constantly striving to be a good person, I'm living the way I want to. But what happens after that?

Do I believe in a higher power? Yes, though I can't provide you any empirical proof. Could I be wrong? Yes, I could.

The question in my mind that lies dormant is what happens to our consciousness when we die. Is it too extinguished? But once having existed and having perceived our own existence, how does our consciousness disappear? Is it like a night of sleep without dreams that lasts forever?

What about our record of existence? The truth is unless we do something famous (or infamous), ninety-nine percent of people's record of history on earth is erased within a few generations of their passing. I suppose we might live through our children, but upbringing only lasts so long, ultimately everyone must become their own man or woman.

Another question that tugs at me is this: If there is something else out there for us after we die what's the point of our lives here? If we do live for all eternity, what does it matter what I did with for what amounts to a millisecond during my time on earth? I suppose one could make the argument that through our actions while alive we prove what kind of existence we deserve afterwards, but should that govern for the rest of eternity? I don't think the worst murderers and child abusers deserve an eternity of damnation, so why do their actions even matter?

But what if there isn't anything else? Indeed, then my life becomes very valuable because that is all I have and it only lasts for a short time.

Regardless, one day this blog, my deeds on earth, and my existence itself will be long forgotten.

I accept that, even if I don't fully understand.

Justice

Justice is a topic too broad and deep for me to cover here. But I wanted to mention it in my post about Traffic Court, and since I forgot to do it I think it deserves its own treatment.

There are many kinds of justice of course: social, economic, poetic, and so forth. Justice might mean the right thing happens in a given situation.

I want to talk about it in a legal context, because according to our system justice is the Rule of Law, but sometimes the law applied in a vacuum can lead to unjust results.

The other day in court we had a defendant charged with prostitution. You should have seen her state. She was in her early forties but looked like her life was hell on earth. We don't get a lot of prostitution cases in the branch court I'm in right now, so I took a special interest in hers. I also checked her extensive criminal background, and saw that she had multiple prior felony convictions for prostitution, and had been sentenced to multiple years in prison for some of those offenses.

I couldn't believe it. I've seen people with rap sheets including aggravated battery, domestic battery, armed robbery, and other violent crimes, and these perps got probation for those offenses. But this defendant got serious prison time for prostitution, WTF? (the cases were charged as felonies instead of misdemeanors because I guess there is some provision in the statute allowing repeat offenders to be charged as felons) And these convictions were from Cook County, not exactly known as being tough on crime.

Anyway, because of her extensive criminal history, I consulted with my colleague regarding whether the offense in question should be charged as a felony, or if there is anything else we should be worried about. Of course, I didn't want the defendant charged with a felony, but I also think it is important as prosecutors to enforce the law as written.

My partner said not to worry about it and our plea offer to the defendant was Time Served, meaning she pled guilty to the misdemeanor charge, received a conviction, and was sentenced to the time in jail she served after being arrested and before being bonded out (anywhere from a few hours to two days). In other words, she walked out of the courtroom and probably back onto the streets.

We as the State prosecuting that lady accomplished nothing. She obviously is hooking to survive, and at this point probably nothing will turn her away from that life. For first time offenders, there is a prostitution diversion program, but our defendant was not eligible.

I wish there was something else or some other program we could have sentenced her to, one that might help her leave the life, but there wasn't anything. So we just processed her like all the other defendants.

But the issue I thought of is this question: Is Justice following the letter of the law or is it achieving an individual result?

That question goes to the heart of my disagreement with some of the judges I've practiced before. To me, the bottom line is that we all took oaths to support and uphold the law (written by elected legislators), and we don't get to choose which ones we like and dislike. In reality, the judiciary becomes activist and often times seeks to reach preordained results. I think maybe that has always been the case. In addition, if a particular judge doesn't like a particular statute he or she nullifies it, finding no one guilty of a violation of it, even if there no precedent holding a law unconstitutional on some grounds.

Judges aren't entirely to blame. It is incumbent upon the legislative branch to draft statutes that are clear, consistent, easy to understand, and not unduly harsh. For example, in the City of Chicago's traffic ordinances a third stop sign violation carries a mandatory one thousand dollar fine. I never observed a traffic prosecutor try to enforce it. Some might if they thought the judges would impose it. But the law as written is simply ignored. Even if we got the defendant to plead guilty to a third stop sign violation and asked for the one thousand dollar fine chances are the judge would reject the guilty plea and force us to go to trial, and then find the defendant not guilty. The judge could also just ignore our request and impose the mandatory minimum one hundred dollar fine. There were no court reporters in those courtrooms so there was little chance of our office appealing such a decision anyway.

The stop sign ordinance becomes more understandable when you realize it came out of outrage when a kid was run over and killed in Lincoln Park by someone who didn't stop at the sign, but it is difficult for judges to think about imaginary victims, rather than the poor schlep defendant who is standing in court.

So is justice achieved when we ignore the law but reach a good result? I can't say unequivocally one way or the other. We in the justice system exercise discretion all the time based upon individual factors like criminal history, severity of the crime, the defendant's background, and so forth. To eliminate discretion is to treat everyone exactly the same, and that's not right either. I do know that when we as prosecutors or judges ignore the law we ultimately weaken it. Our jurisdictions tilt ever so slightly to become Rule by Men rather than Rule by Law.

I think in the end though, any institution is only as good as the people running it. Carve out all the rules, regulations, and organizational structures you want, they won't prevent dysfunction and incompetence if there isn't good leadership. We need good judges, prosecutors, and defense attorneys for the system to work right.

There aren't any easy answers. I wrestled with many of these issues in law school, and imagine I will until the day I no longer practice law.

On Happiness

"If, as claimed by humanism, man were born only to be happy, he would not be born to die. Since his body is doomed to death, his task on earth evidently must be more spiritual: not a total engrossment in everyday life, not the search for the best ways to obtain material goods and then their carefree consumption. It has to be the fulfillment of a permanent, earnest duty so that one's life journey may become above all an experience of moral growth; to leave life a better human being than one started it."
-Alexander Solzhenitsyn (A World Split Apart)

I don't have the key to happiness figured out. If I did, I would tell you what it was. And I would charge you for it too. Since I don't, I guess both you and I will have to figure it out ourselves.

I do think I know more about it now though, then I did a year ago or certainly five years. I think the popular sentiment about being happy is that it's a feeling or state of mind that one has. I might have bought into that idea at some point, though I no longer do so.

The best thoughts on happiness I've encountered are through the works of Aristotle, which cannot be distilled in any pithy quote. I support the Greek philosopher's view, which can very roughly summarized as "happiness is living one's life according to a rational principle." In other words, it is the practice of virtue.

What does that mean? I'm sorry I'm not intelligent enough to translate Aristotle for you, because I'm not smart enough to fully understand it myself. But I think what he was saying is that a base man might think he was happy by satisfying his sensual desires (wishes for money, food, sex, power, prestige, etc.), but that a noble man was searching for something more.

When we formulate our actions and lives according to a code, we undoubtedly fail some of the time. But we are better people for making the effort. I know when I have done the right thing (what Aristotle called "noble deeds") I felt a small rush of emotion that probably doesn't qualify as "happiness" according to his definition. But there also was a greater sense of knowing the right path and taking it.

I read all of Nicomachean Ethics, probably Aristotle's most important work. In the end, though I thought he proved his philosophy using reason, even then there was an appeal to the nobility of man, which can also be felt in both one's mind and heart.

There was also one other part of Aristotle's philosophy on happiness: that one couldn't really say if someone was happy until that individual was dead. The reasoning is that while someone might be "happy" throughout their lives, if they met a tragic end, such as dying violently, or without friends or family, then they did not in fact die happy and thus they were not happy. I won't even try to dissect that one.

So for me, happiness is trying to be a better human being, as Solzhenitsyn so eloquently put it. But let me put aside the high-minded ideas of happiness for a minute, and proceed under the popular notions. Under that definition, what might contribute to happiness, both base and noble?

1. good relationships with both family and friends
2. economic security (not being in poverty)
3. a fulfilling career
4. physical health
5. mental and emotional health
6. fulfillment of sensual desires (food, drink, sex)
7. religion
8. personality
9. freedom
10. proximity to other happy people

I could go on, but I think I got the gist of them.

So now for the $64,000 question. Am I happy? The answer is yes. Do I have everything I want? No, but I'm in good health, have good parents, a good career, economic security, and live in a mostly free society.

I remember one time in high school I told AB jokingly I was going to kill myself and she convinced me she told the high school counselors because she had to (good one yo). Committing suicide is the last thing I would do, for a multitude of reasons, but most importantly, I like being alive. All life is a gift. Do I feel sad once in a while? Yes, I do, and I do feel sad for other people. But my own sadness never lasts longer than a few minutes. I cannot relate to people who become depressed for extended periods, though I understand. I enjoy having a balanced state of mind, never too high or too low. It has become part of my code.

So using whatever definition you want, I am happy. And I feel happy too. I also feel there are people and powers watching over me, even if it may be narcissistic or foolish to believe so.

One more thing: writing makes me feel happy, which is a large part of the reason I have done it for the last 3.5 years :)